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16 Ways One Should Never be FUBARed – 5 March 2014

I’ve been convening with my friends, and we’ve come up with a list.

16 ways one should never be FUBARed:

One should never be FUBARed by walking.
One should never be FUBARed after thinking anything.
One should never be FUBARed by riding in or on, or getting into, out of, or off of any two-, four-, or other-number-wheeled vehicle or machine.
One should never be FUBARed by phone call, or text. You’ll get at least an honorable mention for a Darwin Award if you are.
One should never be FUBARed by smoking. It looks too cool.
One should never be FUBARed by stationary object, such as a mountain, or the trees on said mountain.
One should never be FUBARed after watching a bad-ass movie they just had to live in real life.
One should never be FUBARed after a night on the town—at least, not in a grievous-bodily-harm kind of way.
One should never be FUBARed while minding their own damn business.
No one should ever be FUBARed by their employer.
One should never be FUBARed after honestly speaking their mind.
One should never get FUBARed while on vacation—again, with regard to grievous bodily harm.
One should never be FUBARed by mythical creature, demon, extraterrestrial, or any other other-worldly being. (But if you did, it would be pretty cool and everybody would remember the hell out of you.)
One should never be FUBARed while holding onto any regret, whatsoever.
One should never be FUBARed at the same time as a hundred million others. It’s the primary reason why the Apocalypse will suck.
Finally, and most importantly, one should never be FUBARed and not learn something from it.

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